Who’s Watching Raptor

With so many super hero movies out at the moment it’s rare to see one with breadth and depth that Watchmen brings. Director Zack Snyder of 300 fame has taken the true spirit of the Allen Moore penned comic book and brought it to screen with his own kinetic and stylised er…style.

It starts off with the death of the Comedian, who is one of my favourite characters I’ve decided. This starts a search for the killer by a vigilante called Rorschach (My other favourite character) which cascades into a wide spread plot to bring about world peace but in a very immoral way which begs the question. Do the ends justify the means? I truly was torn at the end of the film with this exact question.  Is killing a million people to save several billion ok? I could see the point and I could see they why but even I had a hard time justifying it and I guess that’s the crux of it. It’s not an easy decision and most people of moral values would say no it doesn’t but then isn’t it just as morale to save so many…well kind of.

Thuck it in girls! Let the thpandex do its thing.

Now as mentioned before the Comedian, played by  Jeffrey Dean Morgan who you may have seen in the series Supernatural, was the epitome of the Anti-Hero. He performs acts which may be considered heroic or deplorable but all in the name of his country and time after time he is forgiven because of it.  He drips sarcasm and to paraphrase he is a parody of mankind. We see his actions and relationships with the other characters in flashbacks which are used a lot to fill in the plot and background of each of the characters. Laughing while firing a flame thrower at the Vietnamese we finally see him guilt ridden and confessing to one of his old enemies.  Rorschach is another stellar performance by Jackie Early Haley . He plays a gruff, hardnosed mask wearing detective type who sees everything in black and white. There is no grey. The good are there to be protected and the bad to be condemned to hell.  Even at the bitter conclusion he stands firm on his beliefs even to his detriment. He is almost the purist Hero, a violent crazy hero but still a hero. Dr. Manhattan, portrayed by Billy Crudup, is the most powerful naked blue man on the planet. He is so far removed from humans that he is loosing what little humanity he has left and his part shows a lot of his struggle with it. Other notables are Nite Owl (Patrick Wilson) who is practically your Clark Kent crossed with batman superhero who along with Silk Spectre (A very cute Malin Akerman) are swept up in the plot. Finally Ozymandias (Matthew Goode) the smartest man in the world, is a very cool Super hero/villain.

I can’t fault the performances of any of the main characters. They were all quite strong and each had there hearts in their roles and brought their A games to characters that could have come out quite plastic and cliché instead became mutli-faceted which in part was also due to the strong script.

Because the movie spand several generations of superheroes the soundtrack fit this perfectly with song by Bob Dylan to David Bowie and other similar musicians form the 60’s, 70’s and 80’s. Did I mention that the story unfolds in the 80s? Oh yes, there is spandex galore as well as naked blue penis….you’ll see.

Lights, Camera, Superhero porn!

Now special FX and CGI wise I loved what Zack Snyder has done. The cinematography was beautiful and he did have a number of his signature slow-mo scenes alla 300 but not to the same degree I’d have to say. It also doesn’t hold back on the violence. Believe me this is not a kids movie. With arms breaking, bodies exploding, hands cut off and multiple shootings this a graphic novel brought to a movie and I do mean graphic.

The movie does drag in parts and the back and forth flashbacks can be confusing to some but these were all minor details. To me this was what a super hero movie should be, fleshed out characters, a solid thought out and complex plot along with lots of kerpow and bang in the eye. Oh yeah spandex too. I give this a 9/10.

Gratuitous booby shot from Harold And Kumar go to White Castle

Bad Lieutenant – not a remake (2009)

Last night I had the pleasure of watching Bad Lieutenant, not the original but also not a remake – mostly. Sure, it’s about a drug addicted cop who does things his way -  accepts drugs and sex as bribes, steals from the property room and shacks up with a hooker – but only some of those elements are in the original and if the director of the flick says this wasn’t intended as a remake, then that’s good enough for me.

This is pretty much the expression he wears all movie

This movie is about a cop (Nicholas Cage in a rare good performance) with a bad back who takes a lot of drugs to deal with the pain – or at least that’s his easy excuse for being consistently fucked up on coke, painkillers, crack etc. The great thing about this movie is that he remains the same character from beginning to end, fucking things up, making them right and putting the bad guys away. There were two ways I interpreted the ending; first it could be a drug induced dream and secondly it was the real deal. As shown, instead of being caught out and learning from his mistakes, he solves all his problems through the judicious use of drugs and know-how and in the end he’s cruising along in his usual drug induced haze.

You can consider the ending real or a crack pipe dream, it’s never clearly stated and the viewer is left to their own discretion. I liked it, it wasn’t your usual bullshit happy ending.All things considered I believe the ending was real, if a bit jokey. Cage’s character went on to feign sobriety in front of his ex-junkie ex-hooker wife as well as his recovered alcoholic dad and step-mum. These were the only people who knew or had an inkling of his secret life before they reformed, and he simply added them to the list of people he lies too. There’s a glimmer of redemption in the final scene but that’s how it stays. Just a possibility, then the credits roll.As a whole movie I think this worked. Ignore the naysayers clinging to their original cult classic (which I’ve never seen), this is a similar movie with a different story and worthy of viewing in its own right. Some of the cinematography was odd but I forgive that for the way the rest of the story was so well told, shot and wrapped up.

Snorting coke off your hand in a dimly lit toilet never played out so good – 7/10

ps. Still no nudie pics, none of the women in this movie appear to have removed more than an overcoat in their movie career. Sorry.

Zatoichi (2003)

Look at my stick, it's a big ol stick. STAB!

Zatoichi, is a remake of the popular and long running series set in the Edo period of Japan’s history about a blind Japanese swordsman. The movies began in the 60s and a TV series of over 100 episodes was also produced in the 70s. All up there are around 26 movies plus a few knock-offs like the American made Blind Fury. This particular incarnation is the first Zatoichi made since 1989 and features a far bigger budget than any of the previous movies. The director is also the main character and one of the editors, so that was one way to cut costs. But enough of the history, was it any good? Well, unlike many Japanese/Korean/Chinese martial arts films, the answer for me is a pretty confident yes.

The film begins with a couple of murders then introduces the main character - Zatoichi - followed by the bad guys made up of two rival gangs, then a few good guys to round out the cast. Among the good guys are a middle-aged peasant woman, her mostly useless nephew, a Geisha woman, her brother (disguised as a Geisha) and a motley collection of others featuring the crazy next door neighbor who runs around in his underwear carrying out his version of samurai training. The movie bounces between several main locations; a bar, the peasant womans house, a gambling den, the streets of the town, various flashbacks – and it all feels genuine. That coming from a man who has never been to Edo period Japan, but as far as movie sets go they were convincing.

The story revolves around the Geisha woman, her brother and their quest for vengeance. A gang called the rotting ropes murdered their parents in a paper-home invasion several years back, and ever since they’ve travelled the land disguised as Geisha entertainers, tracking down gang members and killing them. The siblings arrive in town and meet Zatoichi and the nephew. As the story progresses they discover one of the warring gangs in town is the rotting ropes, and so hatch a plot of murder and dismemberment. Zatoichi goes on to kill a lot of people including all the men in the gambling den when he catches them cheating, and it’s wrapped up at the end with a nice long dance number. Yes, a dance number.

For all its funny little idiosyncracies (synchronised field ploughing music, overwrought spurts of blood?), Zatoichi is a serious film about a hardcore dude who kills every motherfucker in the room while at the same time being completely blind. What I really appreciated about the fighting was its brevity. A fighter won or lost in the first 5 seconds, none of this back and forth rubbish, because that’s pretty much how real sword fighting worked.

I found the music understated but well matched to each scene and character. The acting was excellent, as I almost always find in Japanese cinema (except Guitar Wolf, but that’s a different kind of movie altogether). If I had to complain about anything it would be a few little plot holes and perhaps the length – it was just a touch too long. If anyone can explain why the brother and sister initially tried to kill Zatoichi and the nephew, it would fill in a big plot hole for me.

8.5/10 – Good fun cinema from the far east (or near north for me in Australia). Lot’s of swords, plenty of killing, a little philosophy. Oh and no wire fighting. Recommended.

Raptor Solves a Mystery

Welcome back all. Yes I know it’s been a while and I will make no excuses other than it was all Gavors fault for moving back into my state. Pfff.

So have you ever heard of a movies that looks like it will be good and someone then tells you it was good then when you get there and watch it it’s all “OMFG! That was the best movie ever!” Well probably not the best movie ever but it was pretty good.

I'm not sure what your doing behind me Watson, but I'd prefer you put the stick down.

What the hell am I talking about? Could I stop waffling and get on with it? Fine! It was Sherlock Holmes. Why was it so good? Well allow me to elaborate.

Before anything and everything Robert Downey Junior and Jude Law who play Sherlock and Watson respectively. They were the perfect casting for this movie. The buddy humor and banter between these two waked off sharper than a nerd with a full set of sharpened pencils in his pocket holder. I mean I was just waiting for Laws next droll quip or Robert Downey’s outrageous lines defending his eccentric actions. Drug testing on his dog anyone? With these two and a strong character based script with it’s carefully crafted dialogue the pieces were there and I was on the roller coaster and loving every minute of it.

Also along with these two was a good bad guy, Mark Strong who I last watched in Stardust plays Lord Blackwood a sinister wood be king of the world via so called sorceress arts and believe me he is quite evil in this. The two love interests were played by Rachel McAdams and Kelly Reilly and while both gave adequate performances I have to say Downey and Law man.

I wonder if they are worried about sun burn?

Now the best part of any Sherlock Holmes film is the who and how done its! This film will have you guessing to the end on how the magical murders where performed and other little tricks. You also get Holmes giving you some interesting fighting tips in slow motion CSI style as precursor to his execution of them which were great to watch. Of course everything gets explained in the end as all good detective movies should and also with a glimpse at the next villain as well. Yes there will be a next movie, I am more than 100% certain of that.

The cinematography was beautiful and setting of 1800s London was very authentic down to the clothes at least to my unprofessional eye. Surprisingly this was directed by Guy Ritchie of Lock Stock and Two Smoking Barrels and Snatch fame. Looking back you can see his style splattered across Sherlock Holmes from the editing to the action money shots.

Now any down sides? I have no idea; I was too busy enjoying the ride. This is one of the best buddy/action/comedy/mystery films to come out in a long time. I give this was a serious 8.5/10.

I wish there were scenes like this in Sherlock Holmes

Gavor on hiatus

Apologies for the lack of a movie review but I’m in the middle of moving interstate and naturally the house hunting and job search takes up all my time. Once I find a place to live it will be business as usual (intermittent, biased and badly written reviews).

Quick review: Avatar 3D
More of a wildlife documentary from the future than anything else. The CGI visuals easily surpass anything I’ve seen before and as a spectacle it reigns supreme over it’s 3 hour running time. The last 40 minutes is all things blowing up and people being killed, easily enough for action fiends, but expect a lot of guff before hand. Unobtainium anyone? Bottom line – Avatar wants to wow your eyes and triumphs, I was entertained for the whole 3 hours (not something I could say for the 3 hour snooze-a-thons that were LOTR), but I don’t think I’d watch it again. 7.5/10

Raptor Runs with the Wild Things

I admit that that it was more nostalgia more than anything else having read Where the Wild Things Are by Maurice Sendak’s in my kiddy years that I wanted to watch the movie of the same name. I didn’t know what to expect as the book itself was very simple and director and screen play writer Spike Jones would have to do some padding to create, well a complete story. I have to say he did a pretty good job of doing so and bringing to the screen an endearing story about growing up and the relationships involved.

Oh, you scratched the tree! And what!? You broke that other one. Why would you do that?

In a suburban home Max played by a likeable Max Records (what the?) is feeling left out. His sister is more interested with her friends and his single mum is snowed under with work and trying to make nice with her boyfriend. On the other side, Max is a little shit. Yes he is a spoilt brat and yes you probably want to slap him one for his selfish little antics, just like 90% of kids of around that age (8 or 9 maybe). He then throws a hissy fit and runs off into the nearby creak where he finds a boat that takes him to an island. There he meets the various Wild Things like Carol voiced by James Gandolfini, from the Sopranos fame, who takes a liking to him since he is feeling deserted by KW who he has a child like infatuation/friendship with. There’s also the practical Ira, the bitchy Judith, happy go lucky Douglas and the picked and ignored on Alexander. By lying to the child like Wild Things Max is declared their king and will make them all happy. At first things go well but soon Maxes lies begin to unravel as the Wild Things begin to vie for his attention. Jealousies rise and feeling are hurt and Max comes to terms with the fact that he isn’t a king but just a boy who wants to be with his family.

I really liked the feel of this movie. It was filmed with a granny 60/70s dream like quality with some great scenes drenched in dust filtered sunlight which looks fantastic and other framed so beautifully you’d thing they were a canvas come to life. Adding to this is the music score. Put together by Karen Orzolek from the Yeah Yeah Yeahs and Carter Burwell the music is so sickingly cheery and joyful with Karen and a choir of kids singing you can’t help but like it. The stand out for me was All is Love which had a big part in setting the tone for me in the movie.

I'm assuming that if he's wearing his wolf outfit he's going to be shitting in the woods.

The Wild things were masterworks of puppetry and CGI. I was really hard pressed to see where the facial CGI ended and the puppetry began. This is one spot where I could say the FX didn’t take you out of the movie but formed a solid basis for the characters to work from. When a Wild Thing was sad you believed they were sad or happy. This was especially prevalent in the expressive Carol who was one of the moving forces in the story line. Having said that, if you took all the puppetry and CGI away it would still be would a good character based story, although hiding a kid in your mouth wouldn’t quite make sense.

There were points in the film were I was kind of expecting more but couldn’t quite figure what I wanted. If it was more from Max or something deeper in the Wild Things I couldn’t tell you. In the end I walked away satisfied and yes with that little nostalgic smile on my face. I give this one an 8/10.  For all with a childs heart and a wild spirit I say to you Awrooooooooooo!!

Raptors thrown up an Alien Uprising

Every now and then you pick a movie that you end up regretting like a cheap $5 hooker from the night before. Alien Uprising was probably that Hooker. At least it didn’t have teeth.

Beware DVDs bearing pretty cover pictures

I sat down to watch it with some hopes of maybe a Sci-Fi channel grade movie. You know, okish but with chances of rain. The first 10mins of Alien Uprising were really good. The crew was waking up from hibernation a space ship. We find out they are marines. Ok maybe this won’t be another movie trying to be Aliens. Nope, no such luck.  The marines need to go to a prison planet to quell an prisoner uprising and find out that they have been using the prisoners in alien hybridization experiments the result of which is terrorising the prison populace. “Wait, Wait, wait Raptor” I hear you say “that doesn’t sound all bad, It can be saved can’t it” Yeah sure. Throw a decent script at it and maybe at least half a mil in green backs then sure. Unfortunately it turns out that this movie is trying to be Aliens,  complete with a crappy alien which is a guy in a Halloween mask as far as I can tell, marines acting all marines and a backstabbing corporation guy who yes eventually get’s killed by the hybrid.

What about the acting? Well some of the mains were passable. Rebecca Kush who played Lt. Louise Dun was reasonably good as were two of the prisoners who I can’t remember the names of (scientist guy and the African American). Unfortunately the rest of the cast sucked 5 day old ass that has been sitting in vomit basted with crap. I mean at one point we had a shuttle leaving in a desperate escape from the prison of stupid and 4/5 of the escapes were shaking with the G-forces of the escape. The 5^th person, some female marine was staring blankly ahead as if she was bored or maybe was watching a day time soap. What’s more is they kept cutting back to her. Really? Why?! For god sake why? Or for example at the end were the corporate guy is about to get killed by the alien he screams out Nooooooooo. Then there is this long pause and….guess what? He does it again. Che? Why? Edit that out. You don’t need that.

Finally the CGI/FX. Boy these were woeful. At the start they show the ship approaching the planet. Not bad. Looks okaish, nothing special. Then obviously there $200 dollar shoe box budget ran out and all the ships, base and position of the cast were shown on wire frame models. This maybe was an attempt at retro cool.  Well it was done badly so it failed and took you out of the movie more often than not.

My advice, if you can’t afford to do a sci-fi or even get a decent script, then don’t. It’s not brain surgery.  I have seen some Starwars fan movies better than this and I’m pretty sure they don’t have a huge budget either.

So at the ass end of this review I’m giving Alien Uprising a 3/10. No boobies for me.

Paranormal Activity (2007)

I like ghost stories and I like first person movies. Cloverfield was good, Diary of the Dead was okay, shame about Seventh Moon. But I digress because Paranormal Activity is the subject of todays mini-review.

Paranormal Activity is both a ghost story (or demon story) and put across as an edit of footage shot in the home of a young couple. The husband captured this footage to document frightening stuff happening to his wife and find a solution. Much like a poltergeist, this weirdness has followed her around since an early age; shadows on walls, knocking, footsteps and someone breathing on her in the night. Sounds like my house after I have a few drinks. Back to the movie - stuff happens, things go bump in the night and once or twice it creeped me out, an unusual occurence.

Looks like just another day in my bedroom, my wife wakes up screaming and I plead innocent.

The movie came over-hyped, though it’s still a relatively unknown indy project, and I was skeptical of how good it would be. Usually the amount of goodness in a film is inversely proportional to how much people slap each other on the back and throw around superlatives (the same inverse rule applies to how awesome a trailer is). This wasn’t completely the case here; scares are rare but effective, the acting and characterisation is good, effects were impressive for the budget and overall while the story was slow I never got bored. That makes Paranormal Activity average, but still entertaining. Oh and everyone dies in the end but I didn’t mind for once.

7/10 for scaring me once or twice, though I still walked naked through my dark house on my way to bed.

Raptor Hunts Lesbian Vampirs

The title Lesbian Vampire Killers would make any red blooded male hot to trot for some girl on girl vampire action and so it was that I stuck a stake into the heart of this little sucker. Man, that’s some great punnage there.

Is that a cross in your pocket or are you just happy to see me?

So Lesbian Vampire Killers is a British movie centring on a curse. Back in the day, a powerful Lesbian Vampire is killed by the Baron of a town with a magical sword he forged but not before she curses all the maidens in the town to become Lesbian Vampires on their 18^th….See how the caps make lesbian and vampire more important. Anyway present times two pals, Jimmy (Mathew Horne) and Fletch (James Corden) plan a trip to cheap ass hiking to cheer Jimmy up after his selfish girlfriend dumps him for the 8^th time. Little do they know when they arrive at the village that there would be a group of hot girls on a research/party trip. Little do they know that they would all be preyed upon by Lesbian Vampires. Jimmy falls for one of the girls, Lotte played by the very cute MyAnna Burning who has this very sexy accent. I think it’s Welsh. I could be wrong, I have not idea. Anyway, girls are turned, vampires are killed and they eventually face off with the grand poobah Lesbian Vampire.

Jimmy and Fletch work well as a buddy team. Jimmy is mostly deadpan while Fletch is the irreverent larrikin of the two. All their lines are shot through with British humour which works quite well. In fact the dialogue across the whole movie is pretty snappy and the actors bring it across with enthusiasm.

The girls, besides Lotte do not last long. They get turned and then offed pretty quick which is sad but don’t fear. All new lesbian vampires appear to take their eye candy place, one of them being a main vampire Eva who is played by a smoking hot Vera Filatova. She does a good job of looking pretty and saying her lines, what else do you want. Jimmys asshole girlfriend Judy played by Lucy Gaskell is a real bitch in this and I can tell you I was overjoyed to see her Lesbian Vampire ass taken care of. Yes she get’s turned as well. One character who didn’t quite fit was the priest Vicar(Paul McGann), maybe it was just me but I couldn’t take him too seriously.

I'm not sure if I'm suppoed to be aroused or scared shitless by Vera Filatova. Nope, aroused wins!

There wasn’t too much blood in this really and that pretty unusual for a vampire film. When one of the Lesbian Vampires died they melted into a kind of white paste….take the “white paste” as what ever you’d like it to be. While not the flashiest FX they were reasonable and believable and the sets were pretty cool too consisting of fog filled forests, graveyards and run down shacks.

The movie really is for those people who don’t want a story that’s too serious and are just looking for a bit of fun to pass the time. Don’t go too deep. Oh there are boobies. Yes that is important.

I give this one a 7/10 for Lesbian Vampire Booby killing action.

Yes even the DVD cover has boobies. Win!

Raptor Goes Trick r Treating

Let’s admit it, most horror anthologies usually aren’t very good. You may get a good story out of the 3 or 4 shown but they rest tend to be crap. Fortunately when I sat down to watch Trick r Treat I was pleasantly surprised. The four stories in of themselves were pretty good but the thing that impressed me the most was the way they interwove them together. It wasn’t a simple four stories wrapped up by another. Each story was linked to another by something almost like watching Pulp Fiction but with ghosts and ghoulies. There was a short prologue story which kind of kicks off the whole chain and eventually the last story links back to this which was cool. The first story was to do with a Serial killer(Dylan Baker) and the humorous way he tries to dispose of his latest victim. The Second story centred around the telling of a tale of murdered children on a school bus and a group of kids that go down to the lake to offer tribute to them but have other motives. Thirdly is the story of Little Red Riding Hood, a vampire and werewolves. This one was pretty cool itself with Anna Paquin from X-Men playing the Little Red. Finally it ends with a grumpy old man(Brian Cox) who hates Halloween and a little pumpkin headed daemon who teaches him the true meaning of Christmas…er I mean Halloween. This one was probably my favourite and Brian Cox played a great old man battling it out with the little imp. Come to think of it another one from X2.

Mum says that putting a sack on my head means I'm really good looking.

All the actors handled themselves well and were quite believable. The director was Michael Dougherty who really hasn’t directed much at all but based on this I think he really should. He has a number of acting and writing credits to his name as well including the screen play to X2 which is one of my favourite movies.

The cinematography and colours of this were just beautiful. Highly above it’s straight to DVD standard. Shots of a mountain-scape that drops to a school bus sinking into a lake or a street with pumpkins head lit with candles really brought out the atmosphere. There were times were the effects were a little off such as the werewolf transformation scene which had short stints of CGI that didn’t add up but overall most effects were practical. The last story had some really nice practical work. There was blood but not too much really for a horror movie or maybe I’m just desensitised to it all.

Dear god they ripped my dirty dreams out of my head and put them on film.

Sadly there was no boobage in this film. Awwww I hear you all say…Wait! I lie. There was a glimpse of boobs in the werewolf transformation scene. Yay! Don’t blink or you’ll miss it.

If you don’t like horror anthologies I’d still recommend watching this was to see how one should be put together. For myself I give this one a solid 8/10.

Yes Anna Paquin is in true blood...I watch it for the story.